We knew each other for years before we really hung out and stuff, but as soon as we became close, it became more and more apparent that we liked each other differently than other friends. “Before I became friends with my current girlfriend, I had no idea I was gay-though looking back, a lot of things make more sense now. "I thought it was just a ‘different’ type of friendship." I do like more assertive personalities who lead, protect, and provide.” -Megumi, 37 6. Now, I find myself attracted to charm and personality, and not just the genitals. That’s when I knew I wasn’t straight and had feelings for different people, not just men. “When I was 16 and in an all-girls boarding school, II found one of my classmates attractive and wanted to kiss her. "I found one of my classmates attractive and I wanted to kiss her." And the first time I orgasmed was with a girl.” -Julia, 22 5. I was emotionally connected to women, something I never felt with the countless men I had been with. Being physically with a girl for the first time really was an epiphany. I was attracted to their personalities as well as their looks. However, I realized I was gay when I had girl crushes on my soccer team. “I went to an all-girls Catholic high school, which wasn’t the best place for me to get to know my sexuality. "The first time I orgasmed was with a girl." Eventually, I was like, ‘Okay, mhmm! This is definitely something if my subconscious is trying to tell me this.’ Then, after taking some time and exploring it more, I realized that, yes, I am in fact bi.” -Maddie, 23 4. “Honestly I thought that maybe I was but what solidified it was having dreams about girls, which started in high school. "If my subconscious is trying to tell me this." Like once I was talking to my parents as a kid and said something like: ‘If people like each other for their personalities, then doesn’t it make more sense to like boys and girls?’” -Sarah, 19 3. Looking back after coming to the conclusion that I was ‘not straight,’ I recognized little bits of my childhood that sort of made more sense. I always felt like I was a little more open to exploring than all of my other friends and always sort of wondered what being with a woman would be like. I came to that conclusion over quarantine, as a lot of people did, just because I was spending so much time alone thinking, but I had been questioning for a long time. “For now, I’ve currently settled on not having a label, but I like using ‘queer’ because I feel like all that really is is ‘not straight’ without trying to define what ‘not straight’ means. "I always felt like I was a little more open to exploring than all of my other friends." I confirmed that my interests were more than just a kink when certain women gave me butterflies when they said hi to me in high school! That’s when I was like, ‘Okay, yep, maybe I’m not straight.’” -Grace, 21Ģ. So, I knew something was up, but I suppressed it and thought it was just a ‘kink’ that I had. “I read a lot of gay Wattpad smut in middle school, not going to lie. Here's what they had to say on the subject. So since it's totally normal to question your sexual identity, Women's Health asked 12 people to explain how they came to realize their own, labels or not. Still, it can sometimes be helpful to hear about other people's experiences-particularly if they end up resonating with you. "The only person who can choose your label-or to have no label, or more than one-is you." "We have this ingrained idea that you must choose a label, but that's not necessarily true," says Engle. "Human sexuality is far more complex than we give it credit for." And TBH, since we live in such a hetero-centric society, you may been subtly (or not so subtly) discouraged from exploring your intimate curiosities, Engle says.Īlso worth keeping in mind: You don't have to label yourself when you're exploring your sexuality. "Sexuality can shift and change throughout someone's life," explains Gigi Engle, a certified sex coach, sexologist, and author of All The F*cking Mistakes: a guide to sex, love, and life. It's super-common to have questions about your sexuality, no matter which label you choose to identify with. If you've ever asked yourself, "Am I a lesbian?" (and I'm guessing that's probably what brought you here), then welcome-you're definitely not alone.
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